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Writer's pictureDerek Saunders

2 AM Cheese Toast

I’ve been struggling with insomnia lately. Last night was no different.


Except at 2:00 AM, I hear the pitter-patter of little feet on the monitor, and a bedroom door creak open.


I know that it’s my 4-year-old, she sometimes struggles to sleep. A chip off the old block. She’s stubborn like me too, and as frustrating as that can be, I know she will be able to hold her own in this crazy world.


“Dad…I can’t sleep” she says.


I ask her “What do you need kiddo? What’s on your mind?”


“I don’t know but I’m hungry”


“Hi hungry, I am dad” I say back.


“No Dad, my belly is hungry!” She smiles back at me.


So. We wander to the kitchen, I pop a couple pieces of cheese bread in the toaster, get her a juice box, and wait for the toaster to do its thing.


She tells me about her favourite parts of her day (playing at the playground, watching Paw Patrol), and that she’s excited to start preschool soon. She tells me that I'm the best Dad ever and that she loves me.


The toaster pops.


I butter the cheese toast, we split it and enjoy this moment together at 2AM, and finally, she goes back to bed.


Think about this moment for a second. For my kiddo, this is a moment of bonding, a moment that creates trust and security in our relationship. For me, it's a memory I want to keep of this beautiful little girl who is growing up WAY too fast for my liking.


How often have you said no to these precious memories because of your own dietary beliefs?


Countless clients have come to me after experiencing guilt, shame and fear around food just like this.


Skipping the cake at a little one’s birthday because they were afraid it would wreck their progress, or because “cake is fattening”.


Missing out on pancake breakfast and memories with their families because the tabloid section told you sugar was the cause of all poor health.


Or simply tarnishing these memories, these moments of connection, and shrouding them with fear and guilt.


What if I allowed my dietary patterns and thoughts around food to impact this moment? What if I felt guilty for eating cheese toast at 2AM with my kiddo last night?


On the flip side, what if we choose to recognize that these moments are irreplaceable and priceless?


What if we separated the guilt, and focused on the joy?


What if we recognized that there are no good or bad foods, and shifted our focus to the sum of our choices determining our health, instead of the one-offs?


What I can tell you is this:


The clients I’ve worked with who choose to embrace a path of balance, a gray approach, rather than a black and white dichotomy, are the ones who are the most successful in this path to health and wellness.


They recognize that there are no good or bad foods, no foods that are “clean” or “dirty”.


They rid themselves of the all-or-nothing mindset that turns a special moment like this into a week of being “off plan”.


They realize that no food, no single meal, and no single event of eating is a cause of fat gain, ill health, or backward progress.


My encouragement to anybody reading is to embrace these moments and recognize that the road to health and wellness is not paved with guilt, shame, and perfectionism.


Instead, pave it with flexibility and self-compassion. Start by letting go of the fear around food, and embrace the joy of these moments.


So, the next time you’re awake at 2 AM, perhaps not by choice, remember that it’s okay to share a slice of cheese toast with your little one. It’s okay to enjoy the cake at the birthday party, and it’s okay to live in the moment without guilt.




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